Reflections by the light of a full moon

As I write this, I am sitting on the front porch enjoying the cool night breeze and the beautiful full moon. (Aren't laptops great.) This just gives me time to relax and think. What a beautiful night. It's nice to have the opportunity to think and pray and sort things out in my mind. I sit and I wonder at all of Gods wonderful creations and how much he loves us, to give us this beautiful earth to live on. I marvel at his matchless love and his power to create and govern all things. I am so grateful for his guidance and the strength he has given me throughout these past few months. I know that he knows and loves me and each of you individually. I am so grateful for my knowledge of the Savior and the plan of salvation and my testimony. There are so many things to be grateful for and I am...

And still I sit her and I wonder what he has in store for me and my family. I wonder why it is that my beautiful wife's time on this earth is almost up. I wonder for what purpose he is taking her from our family at this time in our lives. I wonder how will I continue on without her and what effect this will have on my children's lives. Even with all the knowledge and peace and comfort I have received, there are still so many questions. All I can do is try my best to have faith that He knows the end from the beginning and that Amy's talents and abilities are needed more on the other side of the veil than they are here. I also sit and think of all the wonderful things my wife has done and the amazing legacy she will leave with us. She has attained as much perfection in so many areas of her life as anyone I can imagine and I suppose that she has proven herself a valiant servant and no longer needs to be tried and tested on this earth.

I sit and I think of all the little things that I will miss so much about my wife. I will miss the way we tease each other. I will miss the way she always plans memorable events on holidays and other occasions to help us create so many memories and traditions. I will miss her laugh, her smile and her sense of humor. I will miss the way she lays her head on my chest while we talk in bed. I will miss the way she always says "we need to talk" (even though sometimes I've learned to dread that phrase). and yes I will even miss the way she rolls in bed and wraps the covers around her leaving me to have to snuggle close to stay warm. And then there are all the simple little things that you never realized how much you appreciated, who will pick at the pimples on my back when it breaks out( I know, T.M.I.), or who will scratch my back when I cant reach it or who will remind me (sometimes I called this nagging) of all the things that I need to do. There are so many things that I will miss about my wife that it is impossible to list even a small portion of them. There are so many things about Amy that I have always taken for granted. I just always figured that she would be there. Now I will have to adjust my life to living without having all those things that I really never knew meant so much to me and that is what is going to be the hardest.

Over the past couple of months I have thought long and hard about how much my wife means to me and I have been so grateful for my marriage and the ways in which we have grown together over the years. We have truly been blessed with a great love for each other and we have done a lot to strengthen our relationship over the years though it hasn't always been easy. We have worked hard to overcome differences and difficulties. And as I sit here, I can't help but hope that all of you who read this can have as much happiness and love in your marriage as we have. (Now don't get me wrong it hasn't been total bliss all of the time.) But we have had a strong marriage with all that we have learned and experienced.

I know that there are not nearly as many men who will read this as there are women, but to those who do, I would like to share a little advice with you that might help you to strengthen your marriage... Always take your wife into your arms each and every morning and each and every night and tell her how much she means to you. Don't assume that she knows you love her... tell her... Show her by doing little things to surprise her. Bring home her favorite candy bar when you come home from work just so she knows you were thinking about her. Call her out of the blue during the day and tell her you love her. Tell her something about her that you appreciate each day. think of all the little things you love about her and share them with her. Share a new reason each day. Don't ever think of things that you wish she would improve on, or how you wish she were different in some ways. Always find ways to make her feel like she is your queen. Think of all the things you would miss about her if she were taken from you suddenly, and be grateful for them and show her your gratitude. Don't try to change her, treat her like she is your everything and either change will come because she will want to show you her appreciation in return or more likely you will learn to look past her faults and understand that she is only human and almost as imperfect as you... I know that I directed this to the husbands because I am one, and I suppose I speak from experience as a husband, but I guess that this advice could be just as good for all of you women as well.

Now I know that I am far from a perfect husband and I don't presume to be an expert on relationships but as I have reflected on my own marriage and what has worked and what has not, I have found that our greatest happiness in our marriage came not when my wife was doing all the things that I wanted her to, but when I was doing all the things that I felt she wanted me to. Some how it seems that those efforts were always met with an eventual equal effort on her part to do the same. When we are more concerned about the wants and needs of our spouse than we are with our own wants and needs, we become less self centered and really contribute to the success of our marriages. I am not even sure why I went into all this other than I hope that as a result of the things that I am going through someone else might be strengthened or helped in some way by it. Again, I know I am no marriage counselor, but I have had a lot of time to think about what I will miss about my wife and about all the things I love about my wife. I have tried to be a good husband and I hope that I have shown her the love that she deserves. I don't want to have any regrets. and I hope that each of you will not take for granted the person who should mean the most to you.

I hope each of you who read this get as much from it as I got from writing it. It is such a strength to me to sit down and write the feelings and thoughts that I have. It is a good way for me to sort out my thoughts and feelings. It is a great way for me to reflect on all of my blessings and to recognize all that my Heavenly Father has done for me. I am so grateful to all of our wonderful friends and family who have strengthened me with your words of encouragement and support. I do know that our Heavenly Father loves us and knows what is best for us. He knows our needs and he is aware of our trials and stands ready to give us the comfort we need. The power of prayer is amazing. When we truly come to Him with real intent, he will listen and he will give us what we need to bear our burdens. Thank you all for taking the time to read my ramblings. I know that sometimes I jump from subject to subject but I am just writing the things that are in my heart.

May you all reflect on your own relationships with your husbands or wives and determine to spend your life showing them how and why you appreciate them. May you all find love and joy in your marriages and if you are not married, then may you always remember the things that I have learned and put them to good use when you do get married. May the Lord bless each of you and keep you. It is getting late and I must say goodnight to the beautiful, full moon. Till next time.

Love,
Gary Jackson